"You stuck what in your nose?" I asked Sunshine this morning, moments after she started complaining that she couldn't get it out.
"A raisin." She answered calmly, as if she shoves dried fruit up her nose every day.
"I didn't mean to do it." She added quickly. "It wasn't my fault."
Yeah, right. That pesky raisin managed to escape the snack box and climb up there on its own. I realized we'd entered another of those icky situations that other moms keep secret. Like poop in the bathtub. Why didn't anyone warn me that my kid would do that? Anyway...
"Why on earth-" (every mom has to use that one) "-did you stick a raisin in your nose?" I was fighting to keep my cool.
"I wanted to see if my nose could be another mouth."
We tried to get it out. Sunshine blew her nose a few times. Nothing. I looked up her nose to see if I could dig it out (eww). But I couldn't even see the raisin. She assured me that it was still there and it was starting to hurt. I called the pediatrician's office and explained our embarrassing little situation.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry. We can't fit her in today." The receptionist told me. "Would you like to schedule an appointment for another day?"
Sure, I'll just bring her in next week. Are you kidding me? Did I mention that my kid has a freakin' raisin stuck in her nose?!
"Um, no." I replied, biting back the sarcastic retort.
"We recommend that you take your daughter to an urgent care provider." She added, before hanging up.
I took Sunshine to an urgent care office in our neighborhood. And, just as I suspected, they sent us directly to the hospital emergency room. At this point, I started wondering why my child didn't have the good sense to shove a raisin up her nose a few days ago, in December, when our insurance deductible was already paid up for the year.
After completing a 5K from no-man's land in the hospital parking lot to the ER lobby, we signed in. I stared at the tiny box where I was supposed to list the patient's symptoms and couldn't help snickering as I wrote in:
Raisin stuck up nose.
The attendant gave me a reproving glance (apparently you're not supposed to laugh in a hospital emergency room) and I erased my smile.
Minutes later, we were guided to an exam room. Sunshine hopped onto the bed and answered a barrage of questions about her symptoms and the raisin. The nurse took my daughter's vitals and then assured us that the doctor would be in shortly.
"...with his instruments," she added ominously as she stepped out the door. I didn't look forward to learning more about those torture devices.
While we waited, I read a book to Sunshine. When I finished, she told me that the raisin had moved to the other nostril. And wanted to come out.
Sure enough, as soon as she blew her nose, a raisin landed in the tissue. Seconds before the doctor walked into the room. And just after I was charged the full cost of my child's needless visit to the emergency room. Who knew that one little misplaced raisin would cost me hundreds of dollars in medical expenses?
Sheesh.
On the plus side, at least we didn't have find out how the doctor uses those instruments.
7 comments:
Bugger.
I hear ya on needless doctor's expenses. Just paid off an ER bill from January 09. For a CT scan we did not need.
Ugh.
Glad it's out now though!
I am glad it came out without the instruments. So sorry you had to pay for nothing though...that really stinks. I am sure she will never do that again :)
Blessings,
Amy
LOL on the raisin in the nose...we had a similar incident with a dried pinto. The things that little minds will think of :)
Bummer on the ER bill.
Oh no! I couldn't help but laugh though because it was just like something I did when I was three. The only thing was mine wasn't a raisin in the nose. It was a Christmas twinkle light that I swallowed. It ended up getting hooked on my assophagas and had to be surgically removed. I blame it on my brother. Of course you are going to do whatever your brother tells you not too.
Oh dear, this made me laugh out loud, until the part where you still have to pay the Dr. bill, that is really not funny at all. Oh how I cannot wait until my child puts something up his/her nose that he/she should not!!!
she wanted to see if it was another mouth!!! hahahhaah!
sorry it's funny. it's funny because i am not stuck with the hospital bill. :-(
and my kids pooped in the tub, and in their cribs, and one of them used it to produce art around her crib. and each time i laughed, because i knew it was coming at some point.
one of my aunts put a kernel of corn up her nose when she was a child and a while later a vine grew from it. ICK!
I laughed so hard when reading this, I almost woke the dead. Still laughing. And shuddering. And agreeing with you on the "why couldn't you have done this last year?" only mine is directed at my husband and his choice to wait until this month to find out he had a sinus infection instead of last month like I told him to...:)
So glad you didn't have to see the instruments in use!
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