Crazy Brilliant (Stupid) Ideas

Do you ever have an idea in the middle of the night that is just amazingly brilliant and you wonder why you never thought of it before? Then, just hours later, you can see exactly why you never thought of it before:

It's the dumbest idea ever.

No? Maybe it's just me. Anyway, I had one of those brilliant dumb ideas awhile back.

Around 2:00am, I was wide awake, thinking about my name. Nothing odd in that, is there? That's when my brilliant idea surfaced:

I should change my first name.

I've always thought my name was dated. It started when I was a kid and the other Denises I met were older than me. None were my age. More than once, I'd be at a restaurant with my family when the waitress (sporting big 80's hair) would overhear my name. She'd give me a grin and say something like:

"Honey, that's my name too!"

Great. Just what every seven-year-old wants to hear - that she shares her name with an old lady.

Then there was the incredibly irritating "D'niece and D'nephew" joke. If you haven't heard it, I won't insult your intelligence by repeating it here. It wasn't even funny to me as a kid. I hated that stupid joke. It made me wish that I had a normal name like Amy or Lisa - even if it meant that my teachers and classmates would forever add an initial to my name...as in, Lisa C., Lisa H., and Lisa W. Remember them? Some kids have all the luck.

Nowadays, few people under thirty know what to do with my name. When I order coffee and give my name, the twenty-something barista will inevitably look at the name on the order and call out "Dennis." Then she'll look surprised when I show up to grab the coffee - likely wondering why Dennis couldn't pick up his own darn drink. (Still, I should be thankful she didn't pull out the D'nephew joke - that one almost always comes from a man over fifty. Don't know why.)

The one time I remember being complimented on my name was during graduate school, when I met a visiting Russian professor from my husband's department. We were at a party when C.R. introduced us. Sasha gave me a flirty smile and said he loved my beautiful French name.

Then again, I'm not sure if that compliment counts, since Sasha wasn't completely sober at the time. Although - on the plus side - my name is apparently attractive to drunk Russian men.

Let's face it: some names just have a shelf life. I think mine was already a little stale when I was born. It's definitely past the pull date now.

Now you know all the reasons why I thought my idea was brilliant.

What makes it dumb?

Who changes their name because of young baristas and a stupid joke? Seriously. It's the name my parents gave me, the one everyone has called me all of my life. (Even Sunshine has tried using it a few times, although that didn't go as well as she probably expected.) Now, as an adult, I've met some really cool Denises. A couple are even close to my age. Besides all that, I like that my name isn't too common. And somehow it's just me.

So I'll stick with Denise.

Now to deal with my latest brilliant middle-of-the-night idea: getting Sunshine a kitten...